Three is not a number

The mind is an amazing piece of our existence. The ability to face adversity and still seek out a path forward is something that fascinates me. We can encounter the most horrific trauma and yet find a way to cope with the daily grind of day to day living. I am in no way implying that we emerge from this trauma without scars or injury, rather I am saying that it is with these scars that we learn to move forward.

So how is it that I arrived at this weird title to my blog post. Well it has become the statement that I use to indicate and express my sadness without stating the obvious. For me our family unit has always been made up of four people, Yolanda and myself plus the two girls. Now with Yolanda having moved on to her heavenly home it leaves us at three with a very large gaping wound. A wound that has a tendency to partially heal and then without notice have the scab ripped off to expose the underlying wound.

This past week has been one of those weeks. With the economy in tatters from the effects of COVID-19 being felt globally the future has never appeared so insecure. The wound being exposed by all the uncertainty and not being able to sit with my best friend and life partner and discuss how best we will approach the path going forward. The support and challenging of one another’s ideas until consensus is reached, having been a past sanctuary, is no longer. The dark clouds of loneliness begin to stack up on the horizon. The journey ahead is filled with fear and uncertainty driven by the winds of self doubt.

So having attended a charity fun run in the past week with my girls, a friend from my running group said the following to me, “So it is just you and the two girls”, with tears waiting to burst through my eyes I simply answered three isn’t a number. The mind had provided me a weird and yet wonderful way of answering, it both expressed what was the obvious and saved me from going through yet another explanation of my fate. The tears still flowed, the pain was still felt however the quirky answer allowed me to take the next step.