To say I was blindsided would be an accurate description of how my journey has changed direction. I was becoming comfortable with my grief, I was becoming one with my identity as Sean who lost his wife. You could say I had become one with my loneliness, I was even beginning to map out a future on my own.

Then BOOM out of nowhere, I find myself in the whirlwind of emotions. Falling in love, something I had never contemplated or even imagined possible, a feeling I thought would never enter my life again. It has entered my life again and it feels good, however it has also brought along with it some challenges. It has challenged me in ways that I had never considered. I have had to deal with thoughts about whether or not I was being unfaithful to Yolanda, unfaithful to her memory and unfaithful to our children. I had to process all of these thoughts and at the same time allow love to develop. I had to be cognisant of the emotions and feelings of others, my children, my family, Yolanda’s family and friends who had carried me through the darkest of days. I also needed to be honest and transparent with my new love.

Falling in love as a widower certainly comes with its challenges. There is so much to consider and to be aware of all the time. I still love Yolanda and always will, she has and will always be a part of my life. I also appreciate that “my love” also comes with a past that will have relevance to today and our future together. Honestly at our age who isn’t carrying around some baggage. I wasn’t looking for another person in my life, in fact if you had suggested this a few months ago you might have been met with a strong response from my sharp tongue.

What I do know however is that it is possible to move in this new direction, I just need to be cognisant that any decision I make has a ripple effect. I must also be aware that what I deem the ripple effect can be seen by others as a tsunami. Yolanda and her passing has had an enormous impact on many lives and I feel it important to honour her memory and celebrate her life, I however can not be trapped in grief for eternity.

3 thoughts on “The Journey takes a new direction

  1. I volunteered for several years with a grief walking group. One chap developed a relationship six months after his wife died. Turns out, it was far too soon and he came to realize that. I think that only the grieving person knows when it is time to open oneself another persons heart. Some people may use a new relationship as a mistaken tool to ‘move on’ rather than for the relationship itself. Again, from my perspective, it is only the grieving person who can determine why and what the new relationship brings to the grieving process. As the old saw goes, you can’t go around grief, you have to go through it.

  2. First of all thank you very much for reading my blog. Really good insight and sage advice. Grief is something which we have to face and take on daily, and even though I am moving in a new direction, it is something that will always be a part of me. May you be richly blessed

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