This morning I woke up very early as is becoming my norm. Listening to the chirping of the birds and watching the glow of the early morning sunrise. I then found myself making myself a cup of coffee, as is my morning ritual, and staring out at our back garden.
The same back window that I stared out of three years ago with tears exploding out of my eyes and an elephant sitting on my chest. I was gasping for air, the pain so intense I believed in that moment I was going to die. My mind was struggling to comprehend what was happening and I was unable to see or imagine beyond my current moment. My head ached from all the tears and trying to process everything amongst the dense fog of unbelief. The many unanswered questions floating around in my head smashing against one another only intensifying my headache.
Today was different. The sadness is still there, however I feel that as sense of acceptance has set in, a sense that I have managed to walk this journey of three years and I am still moving forward, all be it slowly but the movement is forward.
So how did I get here. Well it would be foolish to believe that I did it on my own. Yes I had to face my grief journey, yes I had to make the steps along the journey no matter how painful. I am cognisant that there have been many people, hurting from the loss of Yolanda, and others who had experienced their own losses in life just reaching out and helping in various ways to assist. To all I am extremely grateful as your selfless acts of love and kindness have enabled me to experience some healing but most importantly to be there for our girls.
Lastly but certainly not least I thank my Heavenly Father who patiently heard my prayers of anguish, frustration, anger, confusion and place different people into my life at just the right time. A time when I was ready and able to make the next step.
For those who read and follow my blog may you be richly blessed, for those who have been involved in my journey I wish to thank you for being available to be there at just the right time.
All glory be to our Father in heaven.