In a few weeks it will be the third anniversary of the passing of Yolanda. With all confidence I can say that she is with her Eternal Father. She is free from suffering and the frustration of a destroyed body and not being able to do many of the things that she enjoyed. She hid her pain so well whilst among us, she didn’t want to panic or burden anyone. Now there is no more hiding of pain as her body is renewed. She is in the company of the Great Creator surrounded by family who have passed on before and after her. Most importantly she is happy.
So where does this leave us, those of us who remain on this earth to face the daily pain of moving forward. The pain of plans having been dashed on the rocks of despair, dreams and hopes having been torn to shreds and tossed into the wind. A future with constant reminders at every corner, a future of uncertainty, a future left blank. Is it possible to have a life beyond grief? Is it possible to breath again, is it possible to dream again, is it possible to smile again? Is there life beyond grief, this question rolls around my mind like a ball in a pinball machine. Sometimes rolling gently as it cascades through the obstacles and then at full speed as it is paddled vigorously to the top of the board smashing into all obstacles in its path.
As I mull over this question and consider all that I have learnt from GriefShare I keep coming back to an obvious but not so obvious answer. The obvious answer is yes, it is possible to life beyond grief, the mere fact that I am writing this article is proof that I am alive. The not so obvious answer is the quality of life that I will allow myself to have beyond grief. As time has passed I have come to accept that grief will forever be present, there will be both good and hard moments to deal with. Some I will see coming, like a train coming down the track, others like a total ambush. It is this acceptance of grief that has allowed me to consider the option of moving forward, of embracing who I have become and being able to provide happiness and security to those close and dear to me.
I know Yolanda wouldn’t want me to be bogged down with grief, she would want me to be happy as much if not more so than I am of her current happiness. So life does move beyond grief, there will be the occasion of feeling as if I am retreating into my hole in the ground but most importantly I can move beyond.