When I started writing this blog it was to document my journey along the path of grief. I also hoped to reach out to a few who might be going through a similar journey to my own. Having experienced the crushing pain of grief, being unable to breathe and wishing at the same time to stop living, then in that very same split of a second knowing the need and desire to continue living. After the initial days of dealing with all the administrative issues around death and arranging a memorial service the wall of fear surrounding me, it didn’t matter in which direction I looked all I could see was fear staring back at me. The doubt, the uncertainty and most of all the ever present unknown of a life without my soul mate. Then the moment of loneliness when everyone who with the best of intentions had stated “we are here for you” returns to their busy life’s and the calls get further apart and in some cases never to be heard from again until the next family gathering, which in our case has been another funeral. The daily battle with depression and trying to find myself in all this chaos, the deafening drum beat of grief just reminding me of its forever presence. The steps, small at first, towards seeking help and being able to cope with just the daily ritual up to now where I assist with a Grief Share group as just another way of passing on the help that I received onto others. The ability to smile again, to laugh and not feel guilty about being happy. The daily growth of understanding that one feeling or emotion doesn’t have to control my entire day. Knowing that I am made up of many moments and experiences. Understanding that even though I have experienced a catastrophic loss I am able to make it through the next day. My blog post have covered these and many other topics but what blew me away this evening is the “Stats” on my blog. 1999 visitors. So as much as this writing has been cathartic for me I am most humbled and appreciative of the many who have read my blogs and shared a tear, some have realised that they are not alone and others have learnt that they aren’t abnormal. To those who have encouraged me to write a big thank you. I hope and pray that my writing has blessed you as much as I have been blessed by writing them.