This evening as I reflect on the past 24 hours I can honestly say that I feel like I have been beaten constantly by a wrecking ball. For those who don’t know here in South Africa our Matric students, of which my daughter is one, were meant to be going back to school on the 1st of June. This after having not had physical schooling for 8 weeks. Matric is such a vital year as it can be the make or break year in terms of which universities accept you for tertiary studies. So to say the anxiety levels are heightened would be understating the facts.
Our minister of education had scheduled a media briefing for 6pm on Sunday evening which was going to address the state of our schools readiness to accept the grade 12’s back to school in a safe manner. She then duly postponed the media briefing to 11am on Monday 1st June, this being a whole 4 hours after schools were gazetted to open on Monday 1st June. Confusion sets in immediately with school saying we are ready to accept students, then at 8pm school sends out a letter saying that there is now a new directive for schools to open on 8th June and therefore won’t be accepting students on Monday 1st June. Nothing from the minister of education. So accepted that my daughter won’t be going back to finish her Matric year on the 1st of June but hopefully and prayerfully on the 8th of June. The absolute last straw that broke the camels back was in the minister’s media today when she said the decision to postpone had been made late on Friday evening, can you imagine how angry I became. Surely any intelligent being would understand the importance of communication and more so in these uncertain times. An announcement on Saturday morning would have been greatly appreciated and welcomed.
So my Monday was swamped with mixed emotions and tremendous frustration. The anxiety levels increased exponentially with every passing hour and even my afternoon “angry” run, which normally raises my happy mood, didn’t do the trick. The downward spiral was starting to increase velocity as the dark clouds were building up on the horizon.
I was missing my soulmate, my best friend. The absence of Yolanda was growing more and more intense, at dinner I shared with the girls that I wasn’t coping. They were just magnificent, both of them wrapping their arms around me without saying a word. Just like their mom. It was this moment of love that lifted me up enough out of the pity party to go to the word of God. Psalm 136 was brought to my attention from a daily devotional. It was exactly what was needed.
Psalm 136 has 26 verses that each end with “his love endures forever”. It would have been so easy to have skip over this as it become rather monotonous at the end of each verse. So I read it a second time without repeating the “his love endures forever” section and saved it for the last verse. It was as if all the love and understanding entered my heart at that very moment. I serve the Lord of lords and “his love endures forever”, as God created everything and delivered the nation of Israel surely He can handle my anxiety and lift me from the deep pit of depression.