If you have been following my blogs you would be thinking can this title be for real. On the surface of things if you were drawing a progress line through my blogs you might even be tempted to say I am healed, I have overcome my grief and the journey has run its course.
Nothing could be further from the truth. There are still those moments that come rushing in, moments can become minutes, hours or even days, that rock the boat. Being in what feels like an eternal lockdown, now only 21 days, has served to heighten the anxiety levels. Thoughts abound on how Yolanda might have tackled this, then it immediately goes to which Yolanda do I see, the healthy Yolanda or the last proper conversation Yolanda. Even as I typed this my eyes tear up that make seeing the keyboard almost impossible, what remains clear is that skeleton of a body looking back at me promising to do everything the doctors say in order to beat this cancer.
I then get myself together, look around and say to myself this is real, we have managed to get ourselves further down the trail. The girls and I are still alive. We still get to face the everyday challenges and are starting to enjoy the everyday highs without that sense of guilt.
So even though this sense of being overwhelmed jumps onboard more than I would like during this time of lockdown I draw strength from knowing that this too shall pass.