Come 14th January it will be 2 years since the passing on of Yolanda. In some respects it feels like this all took place just yesterday, however on reflection it would appear a lifetime ago as both the girls and myself have had to battle on to forge our new identity. Those who have experienced “catastrophic” loss will know and appreciate what I am saying. I in no way intend to disrespect those who haven’t experienced such loss. It is just one of those life experiences that you have had to partake in in order to grasp the meaning. It would be like a male trying to understand giving birth, it just ain’t gonna happen.
This is why I am so grateful for having stumbled upon blogging and GriefShare. Both of these have enabled me to share my experience, my innermost pain, and to be heard. To be heard in such a way of understanding by others who are either going through or have gone through a similar journey. There is so much encouragement there. Just someone acknowledging a point in a blog or someone placing a knowing hand on my shoulder, without saying a word, have lifted me out of the gutter of despair.
It is really weird as I started blogging hoping to help others going through this journey. Now as I reflect I realise how much I have been encouraged by those who read and comment on my blogs. I have also had the privilege of reading the blogs of others who have opened their hearts and allowed me into a very personal space. I wish to encourage you to keep writing.
GriefShare for me was something I knew I needed to attend if I was going to get through this journey. I had two daughters to take care of and knew that if I didn’t take care of me then I would be useless to them. At first it was tough but after a short while I realised that this once a week meeting was becoming the highlight of my week. I could talk freely. I could express my anger, my pain, my absolute feeling of despair. Somehow they understand. Why? Because we were all on the same journey just at different stops.
So as I approach 14th January 2020 I no longer have that sense of dread weighing me down. I look to a future where I can one day walk tall and know that as Yolanda looks down she is smiling.