After having written many blog post, I recently asked my brother for his thoughts. He is many years older than me and has bucketloads of life experience. He hasn’t walked my path but I know he has walked a similar path with many others. This is his response.
“Written from the heart. Well constructed, meaningful words and memories in writing.
Warning though – yes, write your thoughts to clear your mind, don’t make it your life. All your energy should be spent with your beautiful girls. Don’t forget Yolanda, as we don’t forget her. Remember the good, talk about her, laugh at the funny things you remember, and say good night and good morning daily.
I think of you guys daily. Just my thoughts.”
The reason I refer to his response is I greatly value his insight. He not only answered my question but he was kind enough to offer advice whilst stressing that the girls and I are in his thoughts daily. This was comforting knowing that the advice came from a place of genuine love. He also finished with “Just my thoughts”. Not being prescriptive or demanding that I follow these pearls of wisdom. Thank you Ray, much appreciated and much love.
I would like to break this message down into my thoughts and reaction. Firstly I have always wanted to write from the heart, personally I think there is no other way. I have no intention of winning any awards. Yes I do write to “clear my mind” however I have two purposes for writing. One is selfish in that I am hoping over time to be able to reflect on this journey and to see how far I would have travelled. The other purpose is hoping that my writing will encourage others traveling a similar journey. Hopefully the balance of selfishness and giving will prevent this blog from being one sided.
With regards to the girls I am truly grateful for them. Firstly without them I am not certain how I would have managed. Sometimes I think the grief would have been too intense and that I wouldn’t be here today writing a blog. They have given me a purpose greater than myself. When days have been dark they have been the light to rescue me. Also watching their strength has been encouraging if not absolutely challenging at times. Yolanda and I always said that we brought them into the world and therefore owe it to them to ensure every possible avenue is explored to set them up for life. I will always subscribe to this till my last breath on this earth.
I really appreciate the part about remembering and talking. Laughing and crying are part of our memories. I especially loved the part of saying goodnight and good morning daily. This for me acknowledges the role that Yolanda played in my life. It ain’t all history, her legacy will be with us forever.
Just be aware that all advice isn’t necessarily good advice. If it comes from a place of love then work through it, however if it ain’t from a place of love then my advice would be to run as far and as fast as you can.